The Hidden Costs of Making Money
A lot has changed since TEO was released in the Spring. I’m married now which although it’s a little different, wasn’t that major of a change for me. The big difference is that I also have a son, Jake Einstein. He’s awesome… really smart and getting bigger every day. Being a dad isn’t really as hard as I thought it would be but it has its challenges. The biggest challenge is that every decision I make now will directly affect other people that mean a lot to me.
It’s been almost a month now since I started working in New York City on a contract job that came out of the blue. While the commute is not a piece of cake (PHL to NYC and back every single weekday), I do enjoy it. I’m getting out of the house much more than I used to and the lack of TEO sales isn’t weighing on my mind like a ton of bricks the way it has been. I used to worry that if TEO failed, my family would fail. I sorta forgot that there is a real world out there in which I am still very capable of competing.
But even though I’m making more now than TEO ever afforded me, I can’t help but notice the hidden costs that you can’t really put a price tag on. The stress level is definitely way up in the house, even though my personal stress is way down. It’s almost like I unloaded half of that burden onto Heather who really doesn’t deserve it.
The holiday season was particularly hard. While I waited for that first big check to come in from the new job, I had just about burned through the last of my “cash buffer” and started to wonder whether or not I’d be able to uphold the standards of the past few years. Fortunately, I was able to and then some. I did a lot to make sure that Heather and Jake would have a Christmas to remember.
But then Christmas came and it was a disaster. Heather and I got into a huge fight and even now, an entire day after Christmas is officially over and we’re still not speaking nor have we exchanged gifts. The cruise, the laptop, the new coat, etc... all for nothing. All the effort I made to ensure she had a good Christmas was for nothing. I’m not going to go into specifics about what the fight was about or why we haven’t been able to resolve it but it’s safe to say that we have a major personality conflict that may or may not be resolvable and the stress that goes along with this job played no small part in this fight.
That’s not to say I don’t love the work or that my job performance is in jeopardy. Quite the opposite actually… it provides an excellent distraction and concentrating on the work has allowed me to take my mind off the war at home. But now I’m on the train “home” (I’m not actually going home… just in that direction…) and I can’t help but think that in the last few years I have put too much emphasis on financial comfort and not enough on the other immeasurable aspects of life.
As I alluded to in a previous blog post, there is an opportunity that has come up to relocate and work for a software company. I think it would provide a good solution to both the money and personal life issues I’ve been dealing with. I’m hoping that all goes well and we come to a mutual agreement on the various parameters and it works out. The big sticker right now is TEO. It presents a potential conflict and I want to make sure that whatever happens, that I’m able to continue to have a creative outlet and that everyone who has supported me through thick and thin is not going to be left with a “sealed class” to put it in nerdy C# terms.
Oh well, train is getting close to Philly. Over-and-out.
Josh